Raising Kids and Remembering Ourselves: The Best of Times—The Worst of Times

      Charles Dickens wrote these immortal words in the opening paragraph of A Tale of Two Cities, a book with over 200 million copies sold:  “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way….”

The Chairs of Archie and Edith Bunker, symbols of the best and worst in all of us.  (at the Smithsonian Inst.)

     Not making light of the serious themes of the transcendent works of Dickens, I can’t help but think that the paragraph is a great statement on raising kids and family life, in general.  Those moments when your darling child is looking into your eyes with the smile of an angel are most certainly the best of times, the season of light, and the spring of hope.  By contrast, the same child (maybe as a teenager—just saying) in a fit of rage and egocentrism is unquestionably akin to the worst of times, the age of foolishness, the season of darkness, and the winter of despair.  No doubt over the years, we get glimpses of heaven and hell as we try to figure out the toughest task known to mankind—proper parenting.

Happy Feet (the same feet that storm out of the house in a fit of anger) at a fountain in D.C.

     I think Dickens’ wisdom has application to parents too—to all of us.  Somehow, all parents have some degree of amnesia when it comes to their own childhood behavior and experiences in comparison to that of their own children.  We all somehow remember that when we were young, kids were obedient, docile, patient, and just plain good.  In a twist of the miraculous, we forget that as teens we were periodically big jerks, who drove our parents to drink, cry, hide, or run away in sheer panic.  We want our histories to begin this way:  During [insert your name] childhood, it was frankly the best of times, the age of wisdom, the season of light, and the spring of hope.   That’s not a bad intro if your history is fiction.  We all know better.  The other side of your childhood story is every bit as warped as the “difficult“ challenges you are facing right now with your little darling (the one you are certain has somehow come from some other planet or been taken over by some dark force).

     So fellow parents, when your kids are driving you crazy or even when your kids are the hallmark of greatness, just remember that you were and are not perfect either.  There is always tomorrow.  Tomorrow is a new day—a day with new twists, adventures, and the changes of time that make life what it is.  What is it?  It is challenging for you and for everyone.  During the downs, we have to learn to hang in there.  When our kids, or we for that matter, can’t see past the darkness, then we can become overwhelmed by the worst times.  Don’t lose hope or faith.  The light will return in greater abundance and hope will prevail.  Sometimes we have to live through a bit of hell in order to make it to our heaven.  Let the good times roll.  "Choose to be happy even when life is not fair" (Golden Keys, No. 10, Copyright Steven Burge 2006).