Don't Give Up--Nobody’s Perfect!

     I don’t know about you but I have spent too much of my life beating myself up for mistakes and shortcomings.  Why would I that?  I don’t want to over-simplify matters, but I think a big part of my self-tyranny at different times in my life has come from my unwillingness to really accept the vital truth that I am a fallible, imperfect human being.   Somehow, whether consciously or not, I found ways to dwell more on the questions I got wrong, the baskets I missed, the control I lost, or the students I didn’t reach, than I did on the questions I got right, the shots I made, the kindness I showed, or the students I helped.  If you look at the matter from a purely mathematical point of view, it makes little sense for me to have focused so much personal attention on the relatively few percentage points of negativity in my life, taken as a whole, as opposed to celebrating the much higher percentage of positives outcomes and relationships—like family and friends. 

The World Famous Hope Diamond is Grand But Not Perfect.

     I think Winston Churchill was thinking along these lines when he made this rather human and humorous observation:  “The human story does not always unfold like a mathematical calculation on the principle that two and two make four.  Sometimes in life they make five or minus three; and sometimes the blackboard topples down in the middle of the sum and leaves the class in disorder and the pedagogue with a black eye.”   Mistakes, follies, and failures are a necessary part of life and they rarely present themselves at opportune times.  No one is exempt. 

     I know when I taught school or when I worked as an attorney, I encountered many people who felt absolutely overcome by their shortcomings.  Some were so hard on themselves that they could barely move forward, maintain relationships, or perform their essential duties.  I was often alarmed and genuinely saddened when such waves of imperfection were allowed to carry a struggling friend or acquaintance down a raging river of self-loathing and destruction.  Because of my own hard-earned understanding of the destructive force of placing too much focus on life’s human missteps, I discovered it was crucial that I really listen, care, and, when possible, remind those in need that all of us have our ups and downs.  All of us make mistakes that we have to overcome.  All of us sometimes see the world in a cup-half-empty kind of way even when we actually have a lot going for us.  Simply put--all of us are imperfect!  We all must really internalize and believe that fact, have the ability to remember it when the chips are down, and, on the other side of the challenge, be ever-mindful of others who need our listening ear and caring heart at a time when they too forget that nobody’s perfect.  Former First Lady, Rosalynn Carter reminded us of this profound truth:  “Once you accept the fact that you're not perfect, then you develop some confidence.”  When we help our loved ones and remind ourselves that we are all in the same swift water, then we become empowered to stay afloat in the life’s rapids and move ahead in our quest to do the best we can.   In so doing, we will grow and can then help others advance with us.  When that happens, we actually begin to grow from our weaknesses—grow in perseverance, patience, empathy, determination, and forgiveness.  Indeed, these profound words of the legendary Coach of the Green Bay Packers, Vince Lombardi, will begin to be realized in our lives:  “Perfection is not attainable.  But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.”  We are not perfect but we can be great in so many ways and help so many people rise above the fray and the tides of doubt.  To do that, however, we have to endure the pains of imperfection in our quest for excellence.

     As a final word, there are situations when we should include the help of a professional or clergy in our lives.  Illnesses like depression and anxiety, for instance, can literally impair or take away our ability to evaluate or deal with life circumstances in a realistic, balanced, and effective manner.  There is certainly no shame in seeking appropriate guidance from a professional, trusted friend, clergy, or mentor who can use their tools to help us find an appropriate and healthy balance.  In fact, it is a mark of wisdom to turn to help from those who are best trained to guide us and lift us when we are unable to do so on our own.  The very essence of grace as used in many religions is that God can directly or indirectly help us do things that we cannot accomplish on our own.   The Dalai Lama made this point about self-growth:  “All good qualities must be sown and cultivated. We can’t expect to change overnight from an ordinary person into one with high realizations.”  Dealing with our imperfection requires patience and acceptance and, thankfully, will eventually lead us to excellence.