Abraham Lincoln's Stunning Compassion in a Letter to Fanny





Unfinished Bust of Lincoln in the U.S. Capitol

  
   On December 23, 1862, Abraham Lincoln wrote an amazingly compassionate letter to 21 year old Fanny McCullough (found toward the end of this post).  Fanny's father, an old friend of Lincolns, had been killed a few weeks before; she was in a state of absolute despair and depression, locked in her room and refusing to eat.  Those who knew Fanny were extremely concerned about her grave state.  So, a friend, a member of the U.S. Supreme Court, visited Lincoln and asked if he might write her a letter to raise her spirits.  Lincoln agreed he would do so but, in truth, he had his own serious challenges to contend with.  Given the weight of the world on his shoulders at the time it seemed unlikely that he could actually take the time to write the letter. 

Lincoln with General McClellan at Antietam, MD, Oct. 1862

     Many books have been written about the string of challenges and agony Abraham Lincoln endured in 1862.  The Civil War was going poorly for the North.  Over and over again, the out-manned Confederate Army was badly beating the Union Army.  The number of casualties was mounting while Lincoln agonized over weak military leadership.  During that period, Lincoln  fired multiple Commanders of the Army and even served as Commander for a period.  He simply could not find the right general to lead the troops.  Mary Todd and Abraham lost their 11 year old son Willie in February.  The kind-hearted Lincoln, who was known for not liking to kill animals let alone be engaged in a bloody war, was understandably devastated on many fronts.  

     In September of 1862, Lincoln issued the preliminary Emancipation Proclamation, purporting to free slaves in the Confederate States beginning on January 1, 1863.  Overall, the move was not popular at the time--for some he either went too far or not far enough.  There was also well-placed fear during that period that Washington D.C would be captured by the Confederates.  There was even talk of a coup d'etat against Lincoln and the Union.  To add insult to injury, the Union was defeated at Fredericksburg on December 13th, losing over 12,000 soldiers to the Confederate's 5,000.

Note the Sadness, Particularly in Lincoln's Left Eye

     As a whole, Lincoln was taking a beating in the media, in the war, in family matters, and in his political party.   President Lincoln was beset by Republican senators upset about "his" war and political policies.  His own party was up in arms and anxious to get him out of office. The Senators met on December 17, 1862 to express their dissatisfaction with Lincoln and considered taking a formal vote to ask him to resign.  Many in his party blamed the nation's problems overall on Lincoln, claiming he was a "fourth rate man."  At that time, referring to those in his own party who opposed him, Lincoln wrote:  "What do these men want? They wish to get rid of me, and I am sometimes half disposed to gratify them,"  Those who saw Lincoln during this period noted that his face was "darkened with particular pain."  His eyes were "sunken" and "sullen." He was depressed and grief stricken.  Lincoln was heard in the White House during this period, as he paced the floor and moaned with anguish, asking repeatedly;  "What has God put me in this place for."

     It is with that backdrop that I now return to the letter he wrote to Fanny.  Considering the unimaginable pressure and pain on Lincoln's own shoulders and his physical and mental distress, it is hard to imagine that he could dig within himself to write to this young woman (Lincoln had once held Fanny on his lap when she was young).  As you read the letter remember the circumstances and carefully consider what kind of person it would take to write such an honest, hopeful, and caring letter. 

Executive Mansion,

Washington, December 23, 1862.

Dear Fanny

It is with deep grief that I learn of the death of your kind and brave Father; and, especially, that it is affecting your young heart beyond what is common in such cases. In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once. The memory of your dear Father, instead of an agony, will yet be a sad sweet feeling in your heart; of a purer and holier sort than you have known before.

Please present my kind regards to your afflicted mother.

Your sincere friend

A. Lincoln

      Somehow, Lincoln found a way to dig deep into his own wounded soul and lovingly remind Fanny that time would heal her wounds and that though she could not see that possibility at that time she was "sure to be happy again."  Then seemingly digging into his own psychology toolkit, he masterfully instructed Fanny that just by her knowing that she would indeed find happiness again would help reduce her misery immediately.  Lincoln reminded her that he understood her crisis and, again, pleaded for her to "believe it, to feel better at once." He ends reminding Fanny of his sincere friendship after assuring her that the memory of her father would someday be a "sad sweet feeling in [her] heart."  

     The letter is beautiful.  It is compassionate.  It is a model for all of us in how to reach out to the downtrodden, express condolences, and give hope.  Fanny went on to have a good life. She kept the treasured letter until her death in 1920--about 57 years later. Did the letter save Fanny? Was it a turning point for her? I don't know the answer but I know I love the touching words of the President and his amazing humanity and compassion.  I will forever be in awe that Lincoln wrote the masterpiece when he did--in the midst of his own affliction.

     *It is hard to give appropriate literary credit for the above information when over 5,000 books have been written about Lincoln and referencing criss-crosses throughout the works.  I have read more than a dozen and have studied this story in many places.  I do need to give appropriate credit to the author of one of my favorite books.  The quotations above and some of the details come from his masterpiece--Lincoln's Melancholy:  How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness, Joshua Wolf Shenk (Houghton Mifflin Company, Boston, 2008) at pages 186-189.  I highly recommend the book to you.  You will find the humanity beyond the greatness of Lincoln and honor him even more in the end because of his humanity.  To my knowledge, all the photos are in the public domain.  The photo of the Lincoln bust is my own, taken at the U.S. Capitol building.

Choose to be happy even when life is not fair

Lincoln's Gratitude and Thanksgiving Proclamation

     Gratitude is a virtue.   It is a prized quality because people who are sincerely grateful or thankful  are likely more content with life and more appreciative of living.  An attitude of gratitude will help us more effectively deal with life’s challenges because we will find the positive in the negative, see the light through the darkness.  If we have the trait of gratitude, then by practice or habit we will routinely express our thankfulness to our Maker and to those who teach, touch, and treasure us.  Despite hardship and even injustice, those with gratitude in their heart get through the hard times intact by accepting the bad that comes with the good and recognizing that strength and character are developed in the fire of adversity. 

Abraham Lincoln issued the Thanksgiving Proclamation
 in 1863 amidst  manytrials.

     In 1863, during the devastation and destruction of the American Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln issued the Thanksgiving Proclamation that established the last Thursday of November “as a day of thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens.”  Lincoln issued the Proclamation after heeding the pleadings of Sarah Josepha Hale, a 74 year old magazine editor who had spent 15 years begging presidents to adopt a uniform day of thanksgiving across the nation.  The first Thanksgiving Day under the Proclamation was celebrated just one week after Lincoln delivered the historic Gettysburg Address at the dedication of the Gettysburg National Cemetery.   At Gettysburg, a turning point for the American Civil War that took place during three days of brutal fighting in early July of the same year, the Union and Confederate Armies suffered 50,000 causalities, including 8,000 fatalities.  Lincoln could have easily ignored the pleadings of “The Mother of the American Thanksgiving” given the dire circumstances of the war.  [Learn more about Sara Josepha Hale at http://www.quiltersmuse.com/sarah_josepha_buell_hale.htm.]

     If the war was not bad enough for the President, the Lincolns had lost their beloved 11-year-old son, Willie, to tuberculosis the year before.  Photographs of Lincoln as the war progressed reveal in the lines and shadows of his face the incredible toll living and leading was having on him.  Lincoln, if anyone did, had legitimate reasons to wait to issue the Thanksgiving Proclamation until better times. It is amazing, therefore, that during such a trying period --a time when the United States was divided against itself in a war that threatened the nation and the President was suffering from the weight of the war and family crisis—Lincoln had the strength of character to turn the people’s minds to gratitude.   In the Proclamation, Lincoln describes the many blessings received by the people of the nation and then exclaims that “[i]t has seemed to me fit and proper that [the blessings or bounties] should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American people.” 

     We could all benefit from the gratitude expressed by Lincoln even when trials and tribulations surround us.  Choose to be happy, even when life is not fair.  If you do, you will have a grateful and happy heart.  The full text of the Thanksgiving Proclamation follows (a link to the third page of the original is found at the bottom).  I hope you will read it and, in doing so, consider the circumstances under which it was issued and ways you can live with more thanksgiving and gratitude in your life.

By the President of the United States of America.

A Proclamation.

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle or the ship; the axe has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom. No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union.

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the City of Washington, this Third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the Independence of the Unites States the Eighty-eighth.

By the President: Abraham Lincoln

William H. Seward,

Secretary of State

 (See this link for a copy of the third page of the original Proclamation: http://www.archives.gov/global-pages/larger-image.html?i=/press/press-releases/images/lincoln-thanksgiving-proclamation-3-l.jpg&c=/press/press-releases/images/lincoln-thanksgiving-proclamation-3.caption.html. )

Live the Golden Rule

See the article named "Live the Golden Rule and the Seven Billion published below.  The following diagram focuses on Key 12.

Statue at the Vietnam Memorial honoring the sacrifice of so many.

The Golden Rule and the Seven Billion

“’Tsze-kung asked, saying, 'Is there one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one's life?'  The Master said, 'Is not Reciprocity (‘loving-kindness’ in one translation) such a word? What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.’”  (Analects, 15:23--a collection of the sayings of Confucius).

The principle of Reciprocity taught by Confucius is akin to the precept of the Golden Rule.  In its many forms, the Golden Rule or the ethic of human reciprocity appear to be longstanding, universal concepts found in cultural, religious, or belief systems around the world.  The exact words used to define the principle vary from source to source but the essence of the truths are fairly consistent--love or serve your neighbor as yourself and treat others the way you want to be treated.  Christians proclaim:  “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them:  for this is the law and the prophets.”  (Matthew 7:12).  Jewish law says:  "What is hateful to yourself, do not do to your fellow man.” (Talmud Shabbat 31a).  Albert Einstein, in an article he wrote titled “Religion and Science,” said that “[t]he high destiny of the individual is to serve rather than to rule, or to impose himself in any other way.”  (See the article at http://www.sacred-texts.com/aor/einstein/einsci.htm.)   Finally, in what some have referred to as the Platinum Rule, many believe that we should treat others the way they want to be treated, meaning we must empathetically look to the   circumstances, beliefs, and needs of the person we seek to help and react accordingly.  Many more specific examples from Greek philosophers, Hinduism, Islam, Buddhism and others could be given here to show the universality of the ethic of Reciprocity and the Golden Rule.

On June 11, 1963, John F. Kennedy gave a speech known as the “Civil Rights Speech.”  In the discourse he described how the Alabama National Guardsmen, in the face of defiance and threats, were sent to the University of Alabama to enforce a court order calling for the admission of “two clearly qualified young Alabama residents who happened to have been born Negro.”  Ultimately, he noted, peace prevailed largely because of the conduct of the students of the University  “who met their responsibilities in a constructive way.”  President Kennedy continued his powerful speech by turning the focus to the Golden Rule:  “I hope that every American, regardless of where he lives, will stop and examine his conscience about this and other related incidents.  This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds.  It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened …. In short, every American ought to have the right to be treated as he would wish to be treated, as one would wish his children to be treated.”  (See the full speech at http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/jfkcivilrights.htm.)

The Gravesite of John F. Kennedy who was killed serving his nation.

The essence of Kennedy’s great speech is captured in a document signed in Chicago in 1993 by over 140 prominent spiritual or religious leaders who were part of the Parliament of the World’s Religions; it is titled “Towards a Global Ethic: An Initial Declaration.”  The Declaration “represents an initial effort -- a point of beginning for a world sorely in need of ethical consensus….[and a] text offer[ed] … to the world as an initial statement of the rules for living on which the world's religions can agree.”  The following statement, which clearly commences with the Golden Rule, gives an expansive vision of how we can more nobly live and give together in the world:        

“We must treat others as we wish others to treat us. We make a commitment to respect life and dignity, individuality and diversity, so that every person is treated humanely, without exception. We must have patience and acceptance.  We must be able to forgive, learning from the past but never allowing ourselves to be enslaved by memories of hate. Opening our hearts to one another, we must sink our narrow differences for the cause of the world community, practicing a culture of solidarity and relatedness.  We consider humankind our family. We must strive to be kind and generous. We must not live for ourselves alone, but should also serve others, never forgetting the children, the aged, the poor, the suffering, the disabled, the refugees, and the lonely.”  

(See the full document at http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma/globalethic.html.)

                Look around you.  Look within you.  Do you see evidence of the Golden Rule in modern your world?  Do you happily or begrudgingly live principles of reciprocity—the idea of mutual living, relatedness, and giving back?  A recent YouTube video showed a group of Utah citizens join together to bravely rescue a motorcyclist who was trapped under a burning vehicle after a collision (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAtXDlttNxg).   No one had to take action.  The joint acts of the bystanders were voluntary and included personal dangers.  No one knew the victim personally.  But many heroic citizens, despite the risks, chose to help a helpless man—just as they would hope others would do for them in the same situation.  That selflessness epitomizes the Golden Rule and the human spirit that makes the world a better place for all of us to live.    Every day, somewhere, there are stories of people giving their time, talent, and energy to others. 

We make a mistake when we allow ourselves to get caught up in unending media alarmism that makes it look like everyone is corrupt, that all people are selfish, and, in essence, that the sky is falling.  Don’t believe it.  The Golden Rule is alive and well.  It is up to us individually and collectively to make it a centerpiece of our humanity.   For you the question is how do you live it?  Do you look for chances to help others, to reach out and make a difference?  You appreciate it when others do kind things for you so pay such kindness forward and experience the joy of making a difference.  Be kind to those who theoretically make no direct impact in your life.  Treat all with dignity and respect.  Find or create opportunities to uplift the downtrodden, bring joy to the distraught, and provide sustenance to those without means and resources.  Live with empathy and act with passion to make the world a better place.  In doing so you will find a level of joy, peace, and satisfaction that can come in no other way.  Live the Golden Rule with loving-kindness as though the seven billion people on earth right now depend upon it - because they do!

12 Golden Keys to More Abundant Living--A Review

     12 Golden Keys, as set forth below, are simple--but that simplicity is the key.  There is not a single thought here that is new to the world.  What makes these Keys unique is the sequence and combination of crucial thoughts.  Many who review the Keys or who hang a copy on their wall, refrigerator, or in a book find that at different times in their lives, whether distressed, depressed, anxious, flat, or just feeling down, one or more keys reach them deeply.  They remind you of something you forgot.  They impress you to do something a little better, a little differently, a little more kindly.  They are intended to be sparks or triggers to move you to action or to convince you to mentally move forward. 

     Ultimately, the elements of the list can help you fight against Self-Tyranny--those self destructive mental constructs that tear us down and destroy us.  Too often we hurt ourselves by beating ourselves up.  We refuse to move forward.  We feel like captives in our lives, physically or mentally. 

     We absolutely have the ability to react.  We are "response able"  Sometimes we just need guidance or structure to help us move ahead.  12 Golden Keys, in that sense, are a literal checklist or series of guideposts to help us as we shake-off the blues, overcome the darkness, and reach for the light.  There is literal power in 12 Golden Keys.  I hope you share them with others who may be in need.  Friends will thank you if you do.

I Wish I Knew Now What I Knew in High School.....Theoretically!

U.S. Supreme Court Building in D.C--My Kids Who Are Already Much Smarter Than I Ever Will Be.

     When I was in high school, I knew everything!  So did my friends.  So did my fellow classmates.  So did High Schoolers of the World Forever United (HSWFU)--okay, I made that last one up but it is true in concept. 

     When we were older teens we knew, for example, that our parents were not very smart and that their only aim was to bring us down to their level of boredom, misery, and bodily aches and pains.  Hey, we felt sorry for them because we were wise enough to see that they were losing their minds due to old age.  It was obvious they needed us way more than we needed them--except for money, food, shelter and other such niceties that they owed us anyway. 

     We knew lots of other stuff too.  We also knew how to get rich, buy big houses, and have every conceivable toy known to man (and woman). If our parents and teachers would have only encouraged us to pursue our no-brainer careers in the NBA, MLB, or NFL rather than try to convince us that we couldn't do it, I could have a statue in front of one of America's great arenas like Stockton and Malone. The same holds true for all of my friends--professional models, rockstars, Hollywood stars, football players, and tycoons.

     My research uncovered a cruel conspiracy against our progress. I am not some conspiracy nut so you need to believe me.  Our magic carpet was pulled out from under us when so-called statistics were waved in our faces assuring us that such dreams of stardom were highly unlikely.  As an accommodation to our parents and teachers, we conceded to their fears.  But make no mistake about it--we knew how to realize our dreams and would have BUT FOR the poisonous "dose of reality" our elders made us gag down in the name of sensibility.  We knew best but caved in to the "wisdom of age."  It hurts to think about what should have been.  We had it right there in the palm of our hands and look at us now.  Balding, overweight, and paying a mortgage like everyone else.  It didn't have to be this way. 


     We also knew about immortality.  Bad things simply could not and would not happen to us.  It just wasn't in our cards.  Couldn't they see that and just trust us.  We are all pretty much alive now and ;mostly sane so we must have been right.  Luck paid no part in it--don't go there.  The endless worrying and nagging about our "risky" behaviors only forced us to push the envelop more and more.  And for what gain?  Simply put, we had everything under control all along and the proof is in the pudding.  The underage parties and living in the fast lane were just innocent past-times.  We gained wisdom by conquering the enemy (and the enemy was not us as our parent's thought).  Oh, the paranoia!  As parents today we have legitimate concerns but our parents just did't know how good they had it.


     Okay, okay, I will admit that we made a few mistakes.  Our parents weren't always wrong.  They just didn't realize how smart we were and how we could have helped them be even better parents, that's all.  Is there anything wrong with being honest about this cross-generational irony.

   Sadly, our kids now act a lot like we did.  Thank heaven that we wisely know better than to listen to our kids.  Can you believe it--they actually think they know everything.  We don't know why our parents laugh when we tell them our stories.  It's almost as if they are gloating.  We could use a little support here.  These dang kids are much harder than we ever were.  They are not nearly as bright as we were when we were their age; they just don't know that yet.  Go figure....

You Can't Change the Past; You Can Only Shape the Future.

     "If I only I would have put a lock on the fence."  "If only I had looked behind my car before I backed out of the driveway that morning."  "If only I would have listened to that voice inside me that said something was wrong."  If only I had been a better son or daughter."  "If only I had not opened my big mouth." If only....If only....If only.  Should a, could a, would a.

     We can "if only" ourselves to death.  Statements or thoughts focused on doing the impossible--changing or rewriting the past--can be dangerous.  They are feeble efforts to change what cannot be changed, to undue what has already been done, to give back what has been lost forever.  

     Think about this.  Most people, to some degree or another, believe that their God can do all or many things for mankind in day to day living.  That belief is to some degree at the foundation of daily prayers, faith and church activity.  Interestingly, however, is the concept that there is one thing that even an Omnipotent God cannot do--He cannot change or undue the past.  What happened, has happened.  It's over and done.  It is crucial that we accept that reality and, at once, begin to use our energies, actions, and faith to become endowed with the strength and ability to deal overcome the challenges that stem from days gone by.  God can help us move forward but he cannot change the past.  Accepting that truth, is crucial to our ability to rise above the storms of yesteryear, to begin the process of shaping our future all the wiser for the experiences we have endured.

Ford Theatre where President Lincoln was shot.

     As hard as we try, we can’t go back in time—ever—to change a single word, action, or event that we allow to torment us in the present.  We certainly have the right to dwell on the past.  Most of us do it a lot and are quite "good" (destructive) at it.  We backtrack in our heads over and over about our imperfect pasts, our multitude of sins, our past evils, and our unchangeable errors.  We go on and on until we make ourselves sick with regret, weak with decay,  and frozen with grief.

     The problem is that by languishing and endlessly wallowing in past events we, in reality, let those past events control us and have ongoing negative impacts on our lives.  We only become empowered and firmly anchored in reality to move on when we are able to leave behind the shackles that bind us, rise above our mistakes, and learn from them.  When we cling onto the reality that from where we stand today, we are in the captains seat, the prime position to shape our futures, then our past becomes our great teacher that gives us wisdom through hard knocks.  We must let past experiences teach us but not control us.  We must allow them to forge us into more empathetic, patient, and caring people.  The events of days gone, then will only serve us if we don't repeat the mistakes and, instead, allow ourselves to become the master forgers of our destinies. 

     True, we cannot change the past, but we can certainly shape the future for good.  The seeds of perfection inside of us best grow into true potential when we live and learn, admit errors and correct them, and change our course of living to more effectively meet our ideals.

12 Golden Keys--An Introduction to the World

     Before I introduce 12 Golden Keys for the first time beyond the bounds of a few dozen family members and friends, I first want to establish the possibility that from time to time people receive ideas or wisdom from “out of the blue.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson made the following statement about illumination of the mind:  "A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within."  Emerson also explained the potential power of releasing the ideas found within us:  “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.  And when we bring what is within us out into the world, miracles happen.” 

Thomas Paine--Bolting Thoughts

 

The enlightened prose of Thomas Paine, such as his 1776 pamphlet Common Sense, helped inspire colonists to join together in the American Revolution against tyranny.  In discussing the origin of some of his thoughts and knowledge, he made the following eye-opening statements: 

“Any person, who has made observations on the state and progress of the human mind, by observing his own, cannot but have observed, that there are two distinct classes of what are called Thoughts; those that we produce in ourselves by reflection and the act of thinking, and those that bolt into the mind of their own accord.  I have always made it a rule to treat those voluntary visitors with civility, taking care to examine, as well as I was able, if they were worth entertaining; and it is from them I have acquired almost all the knowledge that I have.” (Location 611-18  11051, 5% Kindle).

     I quote the above examples, a few amongst many that could be recited here, to lend credence to the concept that people, even me, from time to time, can and do receive enlightenment and insights from unseen or unknown sources and that such illumination has potential value depending on how a given person chooses to receive and use it.  Simply stated and using the words of Paine, 12 Golden Keys “bolted” into my mind.  That's it--it was a unique experience but I have no desire to mystify them or in any way claim any special dispensation for writing them down.  The Keys, as shown below, speak for themselves.  I introduce them here to you in their plain simplicity and hope that this is just the beginning of a meaningful discussion about their meaning and ways a person can benefit from the fundamental principles contained in them. 

     On December 17, 2004 at 7:20 a.m., I awoke out of a deep sleep with the thought to turn on the light and start writing.  I found a pen and note pad in the top drawer of my nightstand.  While still lying in bed, I wrote the following words as fast as my pen could move.

     12 Golden Keys

1. Your life matters
2. Learn from your mistakes
3. There has only been one perfect person
4. You can only control and change yourself
5. You must have balance
6. You are never alone
7. You can’t change the past, you can only shape the future
8. Put God at the center of your existence and family and friends at the center of your life
9. Live in the moment—there is no time like now
10. Choose to be happy even when life is not fair
11. Commit to make a difference through unconditional love
12. Live the Golden Rule

(Copyright © 2004 Steven Burge.  All rights reserved.)

 

A Distant Photo of the One and Only Draft of the Keys

     After I was done with the list, I wrote "12 Golden Keys" across the top of the paper.  In the weeks after I wrote the list, I typed it up and passed it out to a select number of close friends.  I put the original in my sock drawer where it stayed for years.  The original now hangs on my wall.  When the opportunity felt right or when I thought it might help, I selectively shared the list with a handful of people who approached me with varying life challenges.  I was often surprised by the reaction people had to some or all of the Keys.  Sometimes tears would roll down cheeks as a person read the list or people would thank me and tell me they really needed to see one or more of the Keys due to circumstances in their lives.  Several times readers looked up at me with a surprised look on their faces when they grasped, perhaps for the first time, that they couldn’t change others, they couldn’t change the past, or they didn’t need to be perfect.  I was grateful on such occasions that I could offer them such simple and timely wisdom.  I was humbled then and remain so now any time I see individuals positively affected by the 12 Golden Keys.  Take note of the interesting sequence of the Keys from self, through God, to serving others. 
     It is important you understand that in no way are the Keys intended to displace or supersede anyone's personal religious beliefs, sacred values, or moral codes.  Ultimately, you should hold on to that which you find holy, to the truths that inspire and uplift you, and to the divine that guides you.  It is my simple hope that in some way, perhaps during a bad day, a period of crisis, or when you feel that the weight of living is crushing you, you can look to 12 Golden Keys™ in the same way you might reach for a favorite poem or an inspirational quote and find some peace, comfort, reminders, or direction to help you through.  I guess that is why I decided it was time to release the whole list in case someone might benefit from any part of them now. 
 
     There is much more to come in the future.  I hope to complete some books I am working on that pertain to the keys and, as a lecturer, be able to speak to groups from all walks of life about the principles contained in 12 Golden Keys™.  I hope to provide service to people and organizations in need and help people find their own way.  Consider this the official beginning of what I hope is a long and beneficial ride for many.

[As to the article, Copyright © 2011 Steven Burge.  All rights are reserved.  No copying or reproduction without the written consent of the owner.]  

What Goes Around Comes Around: Life's Win/Lose Cycle and Selective Memory

     Humans are funny creatures.  To one degree or another, we are all guilty of what I am about to decribe. We might as well accept the fact that sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.  The problem is that in doing so, sometimes we are not very nice and sometimes we are even, dare I say, jerks.  I propose that in our winning and losing cycles we all have the disturbing ability to utilize all kinds of selective memory devices to insulate ourselves from reality. This is your chance to laugh at yourself for your own gamesmanship in the sometimes joyous and other times cruel world of partiality.

      So, it goes like this--your team wins a big game or competition.  A wand or something magical is waved across the universe and, incredibly, you and all like-minded victors transform into the kings or queens of the hill (and maybe even tyrants of sorts in some cases).  Or, maybe your political party gloriously surges to a mighty majority in a November election sweep, trouncing the other party and proving you were on the right side of the issues all along.  Similar statements can be made for other life examples when you are on top of the world--your surging stock porfolio, your award-winning performances, your first-in-class kids or grandkids who can do no wrong, your well-toned body earned by superior dedication to exercise and disciplined eating, or your high paying job and nice home that are both recession and layoff-proof because, after all, you have worked so hard.  You get the point. 

To the Victors Go the Spoils (for now)

   Today, in the moment of victory, you get to enjoy yourself with pride.  You get to exercise your well-earned bragging rights, strut your stuff, and rub (metaphorically I hope) the victory or success in the faces of any adversary who is in any way on the losing side.  "We're number one!"  "We're Number One!"  "See you next time losers."  By all appearances, being on the winning side of life's little contests is akin to getting a badge of honor to wear proudly in your glory.  In this modern world you even get to go online and gloat in the social media and pour salt on the wounds of the defeated and the deflated.

     Through all of this process, miraculously in nearly all winning circumstances, selective short-term or even long-term memory blocking devices kick in to shelter us from the full realites of the past.  Somehow last year's or last week's humiliating loss dissolves away as though it never happened.  The pain of past electoral suffering is forgotten.  Our stock losses, job struggles, and previous modest apartment living vanish in our minds as though we have only and always been on top of the world.  During the high, it's all euphoric. The pleasure is intense.  Our memories of bygone days fade away.

     Then comes reality.  The fall back to earth is always on the horizon. One way or another, we will eventually and regularly be back to eating humble pie after tasting sweet glory for a time.  Sure, it's good for us to relish our successes or the winning of those we love and admire, but just remember, whatever we dish out will come back to us someday, often two-fold or more.  We reap what we sow.  What goes around, always comes around again to kick us in the behind.

     Without exception, the day of redemption comes when your beloved  gladiators will lose and likely lose badly.  It will hurt and you will want sympathy but you will likely find that there is precious little help to be found, especially if you celebrated too loudly when luck was on your side. The others like you on the losing side of the new epic battle can't and won't help you because they will likewise be numb and confused. You will have to cry in lonely silence while the new victors start their own victory lap.  Then we start the cycle all over again.  

     Sure, we get lucky and once in a while we get on a magical streak that makes us so superior to everyone around us that others, frankly, hate our guts.  Still, whether you are a Yankee, UCLA Bruin, Pittsburgh Steeler, Republican or Democrat, there is always an end to the short-term glory and a weeping and wailing to follow.  That is life's pattern and there is nothing we can do about it...except, be good sports, have fun but not take ourselves too seriously, recognize the value of all sides in any battle, value the competition and the competitors, enjoy the event and be a dignified, gracious winners, not sore losers.   Luckily the laws of nature always win--what goes up, must come down; you reap what you sow, what goes around comes around.

Sincerity: A Pillar of Success and Key to Our Society

     As I was finishing the 1911 book by James Allen entitled The Eight Pillars of Prosperity, I ran into his sixth pillar, Sincerity, and found myself immersed in some of the most powerful writing I have ever read.  That chapter and the next that focuses on the pillar of Impartiality, together, are astounding!  He was a genius.  He was and is a voice of wisdom for the ages.  All quotes below come from Allen's Eight Pillars.

"Knowledge Comes But Wisdom Lingers." at the U.S. Library of Congress

     Allen teaches that "[h]uman society is held together by its sincerity."  The lack of sincerity between people, institutions, and systems, reason dictates, would "beget a universal mistrust which would bring about a universal separation."  To hammer home his point he makes it crystal clear that our very lives are "made sane, wholesome, and happy by our deep rooted belief in one another."  He reminds us that history shows that sincerity has worked more than it has failed and that systems have survived because at the core most people are good and, profoundly I think, that society "contain[s] within itself the seeds of perfection."  He encourages us to not focus so much on the "rottenness of society" and to quit thinking that everything is bad.  The good and the sincere thrive and survive while the fakes, the egotistical, and those focused on selfish ends or unbending partiality (where opinion becomes more important than truth), are always revealed for who they are and can achieve short-term prosperity. 

"Ignorance is the Curse of God, Knowledge the Wing Wherewith We Fly to Heaven"
At the Library of Congress in Washington D.C.

     Think of it, for centuries, our entire system of commerce and government has had at their roots the notion that people trust one another to make payment for the delivery of quality goods, establish representative forms of government made up of people doing the bidding of the people, and deposit life savings with banks expecting to someday make a withdrawal of the amount with interest added.  At the heart of society and human interactions, a trust-based system is essential in all walks of life because it gives us a great sense of "universal confidence." in one another.  "[H]uman society rests on a strong basis of truth backed by sincere people--people who are what they purport to be, people who believe in the good of others, people of morality.  As Allen explains, "[m]orality and sincerity are so closely bound up together, that where sincerity is lacking, morality, as a power, is lacking also, for insincerity undermines all the other virtues, so that they crumble away and become of no account."

Statue at the Amazing Library of Congress

      In our own lives it is worth contemplating Allen's wisdom.  Are you sincere--real, trustworthy, transparent, and a believer that there is more good than bad?  Or, have you succumbed to insincerity where you think everyone and everything around you is crumbling down, down, down and that the seeds of perfection in people are lost to immorality.  Sadly, too much of the media and too many of us won't or can't see the beauty of the seasons, the light in people's eyes, and the grandeur of living, but instead, have chosen to see only the bad in government, business, and society.

     Don't let the naysayers win the battle for our minds.  Look around you for the sincere and you will see that they abound all around us.  People help their neighbors.  People voluntarily return lost goods.  People are honest and good neighbors.  Most people in positions of public trust are doing the best they can under incredibly difficult circumstances.  True, there is a minority of people who do create challenges for the majority but we can't lose sight of the fact that the majority is substantial and that most people are good and doing the best they can.  Look for those who live sincere lives, as described by Allen.  They are the great leaders, teachers, and mentors in our lives who give us confidence to hang in there, to believe, to be principled, and to trust ourselves and those around us.  Be such a person and you will help heal the hurting and overcome the destructive.

     The following website contains the complete collection of James Allen: http://james-allen.in1woord.nl/.   The site claims that his collection is in the public domain because his works are more than 75 years old.  I don't know if that is true.  I have his collection of nineteen books on Kindle and paid a little over $10 for it.  Whatever you choose, Allen's wisdom about sincerity and so many other concepts is worth any price.

If Your Kids Say You're "Sick"--That's a Good Thing

     Recently, we enjoyed a month having a foreign exchange student stay in our home.  It was a great experience but I often worried about our communication.  The student spoke good and proper English.  I noticed, however, that none of us, especially the young adults, could get through a sentence without slang of all kinds.  I had to constantly remind my kids to translate what they had just said into real English.  It was quite an eye-opener and got me thinking about modern-day slang.  Let me review some of the things I learned. 

Whose language is correct?  Young or older.

     If you have teens, you may have noticed that "sick" does not necessarily mean sick as you know it.  In today's lingo, you have arrived at that daunted place if your 15 year old says (this is totally fictional, of course): "Yo Pops, just want ya to know, you're totally sick."  In this tale of fiction (because no teen is going to say that to any parent, right), I have been informed that I have arrived at the state of being great, cool, or awesome.  That makes sense doesn't it--sick equals cool.

     So, if that were the case (that I were sick), then I would be qualified to say the following cool talk to my wife, for instance:  "What up son, its time for a chill sesh cuz I have some mad paper."  Translation, I think: "Hey honey, do you want to go on a date since I have some extra money."  Son does not mean son at all--its more like dude.  You don't go out, you just hang out or have a relaxing chill session with money that just happens to be made of paper.  Got it?

     See, this language quagmire can actually make some sense if you get into it.  Here's a real example I saw today on my Nephew's Facebook page.  Now, just so you know, this is a bright young college student who loves sports, gets straight A's, and speaks or writes just like your kids.  See if you can make sense of this.  "And if I'm going to dog Tony Romo, I got to give him his props, he played with heart today."  Does that make sense to you?  After I thought about it I realized it means something like "If I am going to criticize Romo, I must also praise him when he played as well as he did today."  Trying to apply that to my life or our lives as parents, we could give the following parental advice: "Don't always be dogging on your kids; you got to give them their just props too."  Parents, you must give five props for every dog.  Makes perfect sense.

     Let me leave you with a few more examples of modern lingo and give you my words of wisdom in the end.  If your kids say they "are down with that" then they're in or ready or in agreement.  "Let's go to Cafe Rio."  "Okay, I'm down with that."  Or, there's "Do you want the mad low down?"  They just want to know if you want the latest or want to know what happened.  Let's roll or let's bounce" means lets go.  He's got mad hops or, in other words, he can jump really high.

     A few more points.  Remember an email is not a text and a text is not an email (never intermingle the words or you will pay through ridicule).  I know, they both seem to be the same things to me too--just a bunch of electronic words.  Don't go there.  I have fairly warned you; I did not make the rules.  Also, though this is old news to most of you by now, please do not call your flip flop shoes thongs. The trauma for you and your kids is just not worth it, especially if you do it in front of any of your kid's friends.  Finally, good looking people are definitely not "foxes" anymore. If you try that, you will get an incredulous look from your dumbfounded kid right before they laugh you out of the house. Remember, good looking people are hot. 

     Also, forget understanding the dating scene.  Don't even try to figure out the progression of what we called dating/courting. Our kids start somewhere around chillin, move to hanging out, and after various levels of that I think they get to dating, I think, and....I really don't know what to call the rest.

     As a word of warning, if you mess this kind of basic stuff up, your kid is likely to call you a deuce.  I'm still trying to figure out what that means.  Let me know if you find out.

     Just so you don't feel too perplexed.  I did have a child recently say the old familiar words "It's none of your bees wax."  When I called him on it, I think I concluded that he was just mocking me or flattering me by using one of the things I might say.  Either way, I took comfort in knowing that he was capable of speaking my language.

      For now, peace out Homes.

My Dad teaches the youngsters how to "peace out."

Lincoln's Mom Nancy Hanks--Died Young But Changed the World.

*i have read numerous books on the subject below, each with portions of the following factual recitation, including primary sources such as letters.  I make reference to one of the major sources, an amazing book I recommend to all, in the text below.  The analysis is my own.

     It is likely that not many people have heard of the name Nancy Hanks.  She died in 1818 at the age of 34, leaving behind a husband, Thomas, and two children, a daughter 11 and a son 9.  Like many others at that time in southern Indiana, including various relatives, she died from milk sickness, a malady passed through a cow’s milk after the cow had eaten a poisonous root. (Donald, David Herbert (1995). Lincoln. New York: Touchstone, 26.).    She was a woman who could read but not write, she cooked for the family, mended clothes, and maintained their one room cabin (Donald at 23).  She and her husband had joined the Separate Baptist Church which required adherence to a strict code of morality, including such tenets as no profanity, intoxication, or dancing.  The church was also opposed to slavery.  (Donald at 24).  She purportedly told her children on her death bed in her small, simple cabin in southern Indiana “to be good to their father—to one another and to the world.”  (Donald at 26). 

 Nancy Lincoln’s headstone in Indiana on the grounds of the Lincoln Boyhood National Memorial.

     If time were frozen at the time of Nancy’s death and her life analyzed from that perspective alone, it would be fair to say from what we know today that she lived an honorable life, was a good mother and wife, and did the best she could.  She lived an average but good life.  Some have irrationally devalued her life because she was born out of wedlock, a significant issue at the time that even led to legal charges of fornication against her mother.  (Donald at 20.).      

The Pioneer Cementary in Lincoln, Indiana.

     Certainly, her death mattered a great deal to a distraught husband and two young motherless children.  People like much like Nancy die each day around the world and leave sorrow in their wake.  The masses of humanity never become famous and, in reality, little is known or written about most who come and go.  That fact, notwithstanding, their lives mattered to those they touched. 

Thomas and Nancy Lincoln with Sarah and Abraham

     Due to destiny or the wisdom of some unseen hand, Nancy’s impact did not stop when she was buried because her son is now one of the most recognized and admired humans to ever walk the earth.  Nancy was married to a farmer named Thomas Lincoln.  Her son, Abraham had this to say about his mother:  “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.  Nancy Lincoln, an angel in the eyes of Abe Lincoln, only had nine years to affect her son.  In that short time she planted seeds of character, honesty, and goodness in the soul of a man who has had more than 5,000 books written about him.  We don’t know what she looked like, her exact lineage, or much about her personality but we do know that her life mattered to Abe and his life mattered to the world.  He shared his parents' viewpoint noting in his own words that he was “naturally anti-slavery” and, noting in 1864 that “I cannot remember a time when he did not so think, and feel.”  (Donald at 24.). 

           

            Nancy Hanks Lincoln’s life mattered whether she had a son who became president or not.  She was a common woman with an uncommon son.  Those close to her needed her and were shaped by her.  Thankfully for the United States of American and the world she did the best she could with what she had and opened the eyes to an impressionable young boy who seized destiny.

     I conclude with the following poem by the Poet Rosemary Benet entitled "Nancy Hanks"

If Nancy Hanks

Came back as a ghost,

Seeking news

Of what she loved most,

She'd ask first

"Where's my son?

What's happened to Abe?

What's he done?"

"Poor little Abe,

Left all alone

Except for Tom,

Who's a rolling stone;

He was only nine

The year I died.

I remember still

How hard he cried."

"Scraping along

In a little shack,

With hardly a shirt

To cover his back,

And a prairie wind

To blow him down,

Or pinching times

If he went to town."

"You wouldn't know

About my son?

Did he grow tall?

Did he have fun?

Did he learn to read?

Did he get to town?

Do you know his name?

Did he get on?"

Julius Silberger wrote "A Reply to Nancy Hanks"

Yes, Nancy Hanks,

The news we will tell

Of your Abe

Whom you loved so well.

You asked first,

"Where's my son?"

He lives in the heart

Of everyone.