Dignity and Respect in Dialogue

Dignity and Respect Among the People Symbolized in the American
Flag in the Smithsonian Institution.

If you don't know what to say or do in any situation with others,  start with the idea that you can at least treat people with dignity and respect when all else fails.  In doing so you maintain your own dignity and remember your humanity.  You can disagree with another but will likely be best  served in the long run by taking the high road of dialogue through decency.  His Holiness the Dalai Lama said: "Today, when we face problems or disagreements, we have to arrive at solutions through dialogue" (June 23, 2011 @DalaiLama).  Name-calling and hate-speech so common in politics, for instance, is not effective dialogue and not likely to solve the problems we face.

I enjoy learning from others.  To do that, I spend a lot of time reading, listening, meditating, and speaking.  I have a lot of work to do to be a better communicator--to more effectively and sincerely open my ears, eyes, mind, and heart to the amazing array of people and diverse thoughts in the world.  I enjoy public and private discourse where there is a respectful and dignified exchange of ideas, thoughts, and beliefs between people.  There is great value to society and relationships when we engage in civil dialogue in our discourse with one another, meaning in our conversations, relations, and exchanges of ideas .  That is true in our families, our work, our communities, and all interpersonal interactions.   Ultimately, the way we interact and dialogue with one another, to some extent at least, defines us in the eyes of others, as is noted in this quote:

"There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it."   Dale Carnegie

It seems to me that today there is far too little focus on effective dialogue and, as a consequence, we see a constant stream of dissension, disdain, and distrust.  “I am right, you are wrong (and you are also an idiot) so sit down, shut up, and let me tell you how the world turns.”  Too often, public and private discourse is uncivil and outright hateful.  Yes, people have a right to say and do many things but doing so without regard for the rancor and harm caused by this discourse of hate, misguided pride, prejudice, and incivility is taking a huge toll on our lives and world.  Do we want to be classified in such light?  Can we do better individually and collectively?  I think we can if we will sincerely care more about others, even when they are different than us, and be willing to engage in effective and constructive communication.    

Dignity and Respect in Art: Oneida Chief Oskanondohna and an Oneida woman, Polly Cooper, along with Gen.George Washington at National Museum of the American Indian

Dale Carnegie made the following two statements about quality discourse:  "The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it."  We are responsible for our dialogue—our mode and method of intercommunication.  If we choose to dialogue through rage, silence, scorn, anger, and intolerance, we provoke unwinnable argument and invite detrimental emotion into our lives.  In speaking about humans and logic, Carnegie declared:  "When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion."

We have two ears and one mouth.  As a rule, then, we should try to listen at least twice as much as we speak.  And when we do speak, we must consider what message we are sending and the consequences of our exchanges.  Are we really allowing a balanced interchange of ideas in our discourse or are we so insistent on taking the bully pulpit to prove that our views are the only ones that matter that we make real communication impossible.  We don't have to give up or compromise on our core values and we don't have to take abuse from those who themselves are lousy at dialogue, but, we should at least make it a foundational practice of treating others with sincere dignity and respect in our dialogue.  The courageous Prime Minister of Great Britain, Winston Churchill said:  "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."  Civility starts with each of us having the courage and wisdom to know when to speak, knowing how to speak civilly, and when to listen respectfully.  Most of the time, we can best learn from one another when our foundation of dialogue is based on dignity and sincere respect for others.   

       Several of the quotes from this article come from the following excellent website:    http://www.betterworld.net/quotes/dialogue-quotes.htm.