Do Not Attempt to Use Technology in Front of Your Teenagers.

     If you have teenagers, you need to read this.  If you have kids who will become teenagers, you need to read this because your day is coming.  Here’s the deal—you quietly and innocently sit down at the computer to enjoy some social media, to download music, or just to surf the web.  Everything is great because you are doing all the things you know how to do and want to do.  You have no clue whatsoever about the multitude of shortcuts, secret maneuvers, and powerful function keys hiding on the keyboard.  Your teen sits down by you to “help” and the battle begins immediately.  You find out you are clueless, stupid, and embarrassing, all at the same time.  “Dad, why are you clicking twice?”  “Dad, why are you typing “http,” or “www” in your searches.  “Are you kidding me, a three year old could figure out your password.”  “Really Dad, you think that Kiddy-Care Internet Protection software is going to block me from anything when I can find 63,000 sites in 37 seconds that provide the codes for breaking through the porous protective wall --without breaking a sweat.”  Inferred with each question is some derogatory sentiment about my dwindling IQ.   As far as our teens are concerned we are an absolute embarrassment to the World Wide Computer Family and card-carrying members of the Wi-Fi Hall of Shame.  The smug look on their face affirms their sense of superiority.  Why do we put up with it?

Teen Techies or Parent Tech Abusers (they have Mom right where they want her)?

     They just don’t understand that some of us actually lived in a world that had no computers.  I touched my first computer keyboard during my first year of college.  I don’t have megabytes running through my veins.  At the most, I have a 64 kb IBM PC in my veins that includes a tacky time-management gimmick I “programmed” in BASIC.  Our kids cannot comprehend that we are clueless with a cause.  We were just born too late to ever quite get it all.  They are just going to have to accept that we are thrilled that we remembered our password once again, have 24 friends on Facebook, and have discovered that 80’s disco music is actually available online. 

     Parents--unite against the computer tyranny of our teens.  Be proud of our blissful ignorance and help them know that we are part of the greatest generation—the bridge generation that knows what life was like pre-computer and now, as a result, has a healthy perspective about the privileges of the wondrous age of information—even if we don’t know all of the tricks.   We, after all, typed on typewriters and used white out.  Let’s see them try that little trick!  Someday our kids will beg us and even need us to teach them how to NOT USE computers to answer all of life’s mysteries.  Don’t give up hope.  Our kids still need us—we have purpose.  They just don’t know it.  If you don’t believe me, just do a Google search:  “Do my teenagers need me?”   On second thought, maybe that is not such a good idea.  I just did it and now I am more scared and confused than ever.  Good luck fellow amateur techies with hardwired kids.  Hold on to the memories, if nothing else.