Living with Balance: Are You Having Any Fun?

     My father is a wise man.  I remember about fifteen years ago the day he asked me a simple but important question.  I think I was telling him about all of the “important things” I was working on—building my law practice, working on several business start-ups, managing some property we had purchased, doing church duties, remodeling our house, and more, more, more work.  Of all of the responses he could have given that day after enduring what must have been a painful recital of my business, he looked at me with his kind and simple grin and asked:  “Are you having any fun?”  Caught off guard, I paused, thought, and said (in essence), “No.”  At that stage in my life, and I have been guilty of the same since, I was way out of balance and it seemed that “fun” was a huge void for me and consequently for my family, I am sure.  Looking back in my mind, I recall that during that period I felt stressed a lot with work, felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and, not surprisingly, ended up with an illness that required surgery.  I had to endure other pains I won’t describe here. 

Don and Sherril Burge Having Fun

     I remember that when I walked away from that discussion that day with Dad, I committed myself to do more exercise and have more fun—easier said than done.  I did okay for a while until I forgot what my Dad had really taught me—“Steve, you must have proper balance in your life, including having fun, not because I told you so but because you deserve it.”  It was just too easy for me to slip into the “busy” mode and actually see things like exercise, social activity, and relaxation as burdens.  “I have to do all this for my career.”  “What choice do I have?”  “That’s just the way it is.”  “There are just not enough hours in the day.”  In reality, I chose to drink the Busy-Bee Cool-Aid and ride the Roller Coaster of Imbalance.  I paid the price for those choices. 

     Fortunately, we can undo our choices and recreate ourselves.  From where I sit today, I am much more skilled at and committed to living with better and healthier balance.  I care more about my physical, mental, social, and spiritual health as a whole than I have at any time in the past.  I pace myself better.  I am more forgiving of myself and others.  I smile more.  I relax more and am having more fun.  In thinking about why that is and what I have learned from my Dad, here are some things for all of us to think about in our quests for greater balance and quality of life.

Family Fun 2011--Our Third Thanksgiving 5K

     My Dad, who had an amazing career as a dedicated professor and museum director, made living with balance a part of his life.  I don’t think it was ever a goal and I don’t know that he worked at it; he just lived that way.  That is who he is and chose to be.  He was a geologist by degree but he spent his lifetime learning music, art, astronomy, history, languages, paleontology, archery, river running, leather work, gun building, and on and on.  He watched virtually no TV.  He took his family camping regularly.  We had annual vacations.  He found time to eat lunch each day with my mom and his wife of over 55 years.  He served his community by starting and leading clubs or associations that enhanced the quality of life for many.  He and my mom went out with friends from all walks of life for weekend dinner dates and parties.  I could go on—but the real point is he lives a balanced life.  Any who know him would agree--he created a fun life.  

     As you look at yourself and review the question of balance, consider the difference between goals and standards.  As Tony Robbins explains in an excellent video set called “How to Follow Through/Persist with Your Goals (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H2uNIChYtQ), don’t just set goals to have better balance in your life but instead achieve appropriate balance by transformation--by actually raising your standards and becoming a balanced person.  Choose health, friendships, love, learning, and activity, not as goals, but as ways of being.  “I am healthy.  I eat right and exercise because that is who I am.  All aspects of my life, from work and play to my relationships and how I use my time, reflect that reality.”  we will transform ourselves only when we are truly vested to such a degree that we see our quest for balance as something we “must” do—not by force or guilt but by choice that is naturally supported by our compelling personal vision of who we really are and want to be. 

     Goals are too easy to set aside and abandon because we don’t normally approach them as much more than a list of things we “should” or “want to” do.  We will transform ourselves only when we truly resolve to raise our standards for lasting change with “musts.”  Goals are usually fleeting objectives—out of sight, out of mind.  Standards are bedrock principles that are the essence of lasting change. 

     So as you seek better balance in your life, including an appropriate dose of fun, start by recreating your vision of who you are, who you want to be.    Do see this compelling vision as a burden but as a source of great joy and satisfaction that pulls you rather than pushes you.  I personally suggest you utilize meditation as part of your daily regimen.  In whatever form of meditation that works with your beliefs you will find that it is an amazing gift or tool for helping you stay in balance, stay in touch with the Divine, and have a place to go to reflect on the many important facets of your life that make life rich and wonderful. 

     If someone ever asks you if you’re having fun, give them a hardy “Oh yeah and so are those around me.”  If you can do so, you will be able to, in large part, because you will have found a healthy measure of balance in your life.  Balance will have become you.