There's a lot of pressure on all of us to be perfect. Good is just not good enough. Better is okay for now. Best is getting somewhere in style. Perfect--now that, for many, is the destination of destinations, the Holy Grail, the top rung of the ladder. Whether the quest for perfectionism, however it is defined by each person, is self-imposed, derived from the expectations of others, or born of faith in the Divine, the elusive expectation is all around us--to lift us or to haunt us. Such a high ideal for ourselves or expectation for others can be a positive, motivating force in our lives as long as we accept the fact that nobody is perfect now (except to the extent that we are all perfectly imperfect--an important concept that I will delve into on another day). If, on the other hand, we refuse to accept that mistakes, misjudgments, and errors are the common lot of all people, then our quest for that which most believe cannot be achieved in this lifetime could become more like an unquenchable, disabling thirst than a well of living water.
In our personal lives, most of us long for a day when we don't get irritated at the driver who is driving too slowly in front of us, when we don't take a neighbor's thoughtless comment personal, when we don't stretch the truth just a bit to avoid full disclosure, when we don't yell at a loved one for not doing something we wanted, when we don't turn our political viewpoints into tools for derision, or when we don't bicker endlessly with a teenage child about all things adolescent. We would all like to be a bit more patient, loving, kind, considerate, understanding, honest, and wise. Striving to improve ourselves and raise our standards in such areas is a good thing--something worth our focus and effort. Where we go wrong, however, is when in our striving we forget our humanity and demand what is for now unattainable. When we make such demands on ourselves, we, in essence, turn a microscope on our imperfections and begin focusing so intently on our missteps that we create poison. Rather than learning a lesson, taking responsibility, and working to change direction in a positive way, too often we turn all hell loose on ourselves. We diminish our sense of self-worth, refuse to forgive ourselves, won't let go of the past, and turn to self-loathing. Why? We stop seeing the light and goodness in our souls because we can't get past our own perceived shortcomings. We become so heavily laden with our imperfect pasts that we turn to Self-Tyranny where we allow the burdens of our memories to harm us.
If we can look inside our selves and recognize the harm that we invite into our lives by living the impossible dichotomy that says "no one is perfect but I must be perfect," then we can begin to let go of the impossible dream. We can find proper balance and pacing. We can accept our flaws and even come to value the lessons we learn from them. We can love ourselves as perfectly imperfect humans who gain empathy, experience, and wisdom from living imperfectly.
Once we have figured out how to live with imperfection in our own lives, then we can more reasonably and easily handle the expectations we feel from others to be gorgeous, smart, rich, articulate, and amazing. Since we have come to accept our own imperfection, we correspondingly find that the gaze of outside influences that used to turn us inside out, fade or go away all together. We recognize that we are amazing and that what others think about us or expect from us doesn't or shouldn't affect us. What they think about us is their business and can have no impact on us unless we allow it. Our business is to accept ourselves, warts and all, and to accept others in the same manner. The result of such a mental change and spiritual shift is more peace and love in our own lives because we quit believing that we must live perfectly, in a glass house no less. Instead, we refuse to let others uniformed or even cruel opinions control us. We will love ourselves, recognize our limitations, value others more, and judge others who are similarly imperfect less because we will have a greater sense that we are all in this human race together, leaning on each other and helping each other when we need a friend rather than a critic.
Finally, for many, spiritual beliefs or customs teach that perfection is one of the great eternal purposes. Others believe that people are already perfect the way they are and that they deserve to live each day with love and abundance. Nothing in this article should be interpreted to minimize the significance of one's personal beliefs in ultimate perfection. We should live our chosen faith or beliefs in a way that brings us lasting joy. Hopefully, in doing so, love will abound in our hearts and souls to assist us in our individual journey through mortality so that we can live happily and in peace, despite our imperfections. After all, nobody's perfect--we're just perfectly imperfect.
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| John F. Kennedy's Grave--an imperfect man who changed the world. |
If we can look inside our selves and recognize the harm that we invite into our lives by living the impossible dichotomy that says "no one is perfect but I must be perfect," then we can begin to let go of the impossible dream. We can find proper balance and pacing. We can accept our flaws and even come to value the lessons we learn from them. We can love ourselves as perfectly imperfect humans who gain empathy, experience, and wisdom from living imperfectly.
Once we have figured out how to live with imperfection in our own lives, then we can more reasonably and easily handle the expectations we feel from others to be gorgeous, smart, rich, articulate, and amazing. Since we have come to accept our own imperfection, we correspondingly find that the gaze of outside influences that used to turn us inside out, fade or go away all together. We recognize that we are amazing and that what others think about us or expect from us doesn't or shouldn't affect us. What they think about us is their business and can have no impact on us unless we allow it. Our business is to accept ourselves, warts and all, and to accept others in the same manner. The result of such a mental change and spiritual shift is more peace and love in our own lives because we quit believing that we must live perfectly, in a glass house no less. Instead, we refuse to let others uniformed or even cruel opinions control us. We will love ourselves, recognize our limitations, value others more, and judge others who are similarly imperfect less because we will have a greater sense that we are all in this human race together, leaning on each other and helping each other when we need a friend rather than a critic.
Finally, for many, spiritual beliefs or customs teach that perfection is one of the great eternal purposes. Others believe that people are already perfect the way they are and that they deserve to live each day with love and abundance. Nothing in this article should be interpreted to minimize the significance of one's personal beliefs in ultimate perfection. We should live our chosen faith or beliefs in a way that brings us lasting joy. Hopefully, in doing so, love will abound in our hearts and souls to assist us in our individual journey through mortality so that we can live happily and in peace, despite our imperfections. After all, nobody's perfect--we're just perfectly imperfect.
