Abraham Lincoln's Stunning Compassion in a Letter to Fanny





Unfinished Bust of Lincoln in the U.S. Capitol

  
   On December 23, 1862, Abraham Lincoln wrote an amazingly compassionate letter to 21 year old Fanny McCullough (found toward the end of this post).  Fanny's father, an old friend of Lincolns, had been killed a few weeks before; she was in a state of absolute despair and depression, locked in her room and refusing to eat.  Those who knew Fanny were extremely concerned about her grave state.  So, a friend, a member of the U.S. Supreme Court, visited Lincoln and asked if he might write her a letter to raise her spirits.  Lincoln agreed he would do so but, in truth, he had his own serious challenges to contend with.  Given the weight of the world on his shoulders at the time it seemed unlikely that he could actually take the time to write the letter. 

Lincoln with General McClellan at Antietam, MD, Oct. 1862

     Many books have been written about the string of challenges and agony Abraham Lincoln endured in 1862.  The Civil War was going poorly for the North.  Over and over again, the out-manned Confederate Army was badly beating the Union Army.  The number of casualties was mounting while Lincoln agonized over weak military leadership.  During that period, Lincoln  fired multiple Commanders of the Army and even served as Commander for a period.  He simply could not find the right general to lead the troops.  Mary Todd and Abraham lost their 11 year old son Willie in February.  The kind-hearted Lincoln, who was known for not liking to kill animals let alone be engaged in a bloody war, was understandably devastated on many fronts.  

     In September of 1862, Lincoln issued the preliminary Emancipation Proclamation, purporting to free slaves in the Confederate States beginning on January 1, 1863.  Overall, the move was not popular at the time--for some he either went too far or not far enough.  There was also well-placed fear during that period that Washington D.C would be captured by the Confederates.  There was even talk of a coup d'etat against Lincoln and the Union.  To add insult to injury, the Union was defeated at Fredericksburg on December 13th, losing over 12,000 soldiers to the Confederate's 5,000.

Note the Sadness, Particularly in Lincoln's Left Eye

     As a whole, Lincoln was taking a beating in the media, in the war, in family matters, and in his political party.   President Lincoln was beset by Republican senators upset about "his" war and political policies.  His own party was up in arms and anxious to get him out of office. The Senators met on December 17, 1862 to express their dissatisfaction with Lincoln and considered taking a formal vote to ask him to resign.  Many in his party blamed the nation's problems overall on Lincoln, claiming he was a "fourth rate man."  At that time, referring to those in his own party who opposed him, Lincoln wrote:  "What do these men want? They wish to get rid of me, and I am sometimes half disposed to gratify them,"  Those who saw Lincoln during this period noted that his face was "darkened with particular pain."  His eyes were "sunken" and "sullen." He was depressed and grief stricken.  Lincoln was heard in the White House during this period, as he paced the floor and moaned with anguish, asking repeatedly;  "What has God put me in this place for."

     It is with that backdrop that I now return to the letter he wrote to Fanny.  Considering the unimaginable pressure and pain on Lincoln's own shoulders and his physical and mental distress, it is hard to imagine that he could dig within himself to write to this young woman (Lincoln had once held Fanny on his lap when she was young).  As you read the letter remember the circumstances and carefully consider what kind of person it would take to write such an honest, hopeful, and caring letter. 

Executive Mansion,

Washington, December 23, 1862.

Dear Fanny

It is with deep grief that I learn of the death of your kind and brave Father; and, especially, that it is affecting your young heart beyond what is common in such cases. In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once. The memory of your dear Father, instead of an agony, will yet be a sad sweet feeling in your heart; of a purer and holier sort than you have known before.

Please present my kind regards to your afflicted mother.

Your sincere friend

A. Lincoln

      Somehow, Lincoln found a way to dig deep into his own wounded soul and lovingly remind Fanny that time would heal her wounds and that though she could not see that possibility at that time she was "sure to be happy again."  Then seemingly digging into his own psychology toolkit, he masterfully instructed Fanny that just by her knowing that she would indeed find happiness again would help reduce her misery immediately.  Lincoln reminded her that he understood her crisis and, again, pleaded for her to "believe it, to feel better at once." He ends reminding Fanny of his sincere friendship after assuring her that the memory of her father would someday be a "sad sweet feeling in [her] heart."  

     The letter is beautiful.  It is compassionate.  It is a model for all of us in how to reach out to the downtrodden, express condolences, and give hope.  Fanny went on to have a good life. She kept the treasured letter until her death in 1920--about 57 years later. Did the letter save Fanny? Was it a turning point for her? I don't know the answer but I know I love the touching words of the President and his amazing humanity and compassion.  I will forever be in awe that Lincoln wrote the masterpiece when he did--in the midst of his own affliction.

     *It is hard to give appropriate literary credit for the above information when over 5,000 books have been written about Lincoln and referencing criss-crosses throughout the works.  I have read more than a dozen and have studied this story in many places.  I do need to give appropriate credit to the author of one of my favorite books.  The quotations above and some of the details come from his masterpiece--Lincoln's Melancholy:  How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness, Joshua Wolf Shenk (Houghton Mifflin Company, Boston, 2008) at pages 186-189.  I highly recommend the book to you.  You will find the humanity beyond the greatness of Lincoln and honor him even more in the end because of his humanity.  To my knowledge, all the photos are in the public domain.  The photo of the Lincoln bust is my own, taken at the U.S. Capitol building.